


booty patrol

by 11pm



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Baekchen - Freeform, Butts, Crack, Drabble, Gen, OT12 (EXO), chooty worshipping, i guess?, lapslock, nicki minaj - anaconda.mp3, super old draft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 22:02:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23604232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/11pm/pseuds/11pm
Summary: exo is on the lookout for nice asses.
Kudos: 1





	booty patrol

it starts off innocently at first.

that's how everything goes in the exo dorm. innocent to indecent.

"who has the best ass amongst us?" baekhyun had asked. he was their resident booty police, the butt fairy, the ass hunter.

sehun scoffed from the dining table. "it's me, obviously."

tao, who happened to be passing by, spared him a patronizing glance. "your ass is too big. plus it's not as firm as mine."

that statement evolved into a heated argument that junmyeon had to break up before there were fists involved. the two were apparently very protective of their backsides.

"fine, jongin has the best ass," sehun unwillingly decided, crossing his arms over his chest childishly. looking over at his friend with a heartfelt expression, jongin gasped and asked, "do you really mean it, bro?"

sehun said, nodding. point lu han has made his way beside sehun and tao, helping himself to a bowl of cereal. "it's minseok," he announces, grinning cheekily.

minseok trails in at that exact moment, followed by kris, and tao made sure to check out both of their behinds. "not big enough," he muttered to himself. "especially duizhang's."

"hey, what the hell is this all about?" kris hissed. "why am i hearing my name, huh?"

"are you guys talking about butts again?" yixing poked his head in the kitchen. as if it's the most obvious thing ever, junmyeon snaps, "of course they are. what kind of question is that? these idiots are always talking about butts." baekhyun is still pondering about this when a voice cuts in from behind them.

"you're all wrong." it's chanyeol, who looks as if he has something Absolutely Mind Blowing to say, something that will cause an Epiphany.

"the best booty in the group," everyone is holding their breaths and baekhyun thinks for a second he's going to say it's himself. "belongs to jongdae." loud gasps and chattering ensues.

as if on cue, said man struts into the living room, wearing these ridiculously tight and short dinosaur-print boxers.

"oh my god," tao whispers, "look at his butt."

"my anaconda don't," sehun replies.

"want none unless you got buns, hun," lu han finishes for them.

junmyeon buries his face in his hands, wondering if he hadn't been a good leader after all.

and, wow. baekhyun never saw an ass that pretty, that gorgeous before. he's never—he's never noticed that jongdae had such a nice butt. all these years and he's only realizing it now, god, why?

it's not as big as sehun's oversized ass, but it's just right and definitely perky. baekhyun thinks it's firm too, but soft to the touch. perfect. he imagines two, smooth, unmarked, pale slopes that would turn a pretty pink if he smacked it—

_holy shit it is fucking weird to fantasize about your best friend's buttocks._

"why are you all looking at me like that?" jongdae pauses from making coffee and suddenly whips around. "is there something wrong?"

caught, they all cough and look away awkwardly, except for lu han.

"there's something on your back," he tells jongdae, making the latter look over his shoulder and ask "what?"

"a pair of juicylicious buns," he cackles at his own joke, howling loud enough to disturb the whole dorm.


End file.
